I’m going to write

People always say that if you’re doing things inside your comfort zone then you’re never going to learn and you’ve never going to grow. They say to “Try something new” “Take a chance” “Do something crazy” but then you try something new and there’s that whole crowd standing in the background judging.

Like, can you not….

I can tell you, that is my biggest fear out of trying new things, especially with writing. I’m scared to look stupid, that I’m going to be called a follower, and just overall being criticized.

That’s why before now I’ve always thought about starting a blog, but hesitated. I didn’t want people who knew me to be like “wow she’s turning into THAT girl” and send texts messages behind my back gossiping (and trust me this happens, I’ve witnessed it first hand).

And that just sucks, really sucks, and definitely scares people away from putting themselves out there.

But I love to write.

I’ve always loved to write.

Ever since I was a kid I loved writing stories, but grew up with English teachers giving me poor grades, and because of that I thought I was a bad writer.

It made me scared to have people read my writing for fear of rejection.

And trust me, I’m still scared now.

Authors to me are the bravest people in the world. They pour their heart and souls into something for days on end that they have no idea if someone will like. That just seems absolutely crazy to me.

So obviously people don’t become authors because of the high success rate or high paying salary. They write because they love it.

I want that.

I want a job that I love despite the amount of money I make.

But I don’t know what I want, I’ve never been so sure of who I am as a person but yet absolutely no idea what decisions to make in my life.

So I’m going to write.

Mainly because therapy is too expensive.

I’m going to write it all down, everything I experience, all I’ve ever learned, and maybe something will come of it, and maybe nothing will.

But I love to write and I’m tired of pretending I’m someone that I’m not.